All this information came up over the course of our 10-hour date, and to some extent, the process of James discussing it was akin to someone waving a red flag in my face. The point of course is this: There are some serious pros to dating a divorced guy. The Cons: (I thought we’d get the negatives out of the way first. ” You’ll have to manage her continued pining, her continued pursuit. You will see him see old photos, you will see him cry or scream or fume or mourn. And – lest it bears mention – this is all as much fun as… A guy who’s lived with a woman for a significant period of time has a pretty good sense of what to say and when to say it. If you’re boyfriend’s divorced, you can be 99 percent sure he’s lived with someone else for a while and has a solid understanding of shared space as a result. A divorce is a horrible thing to be sure, but from what I’ve observed, it’s also pretty humbling.You’ll have to manage the frequency of her calls, the hours at which she makes them . well, imagine shredding a carrot, tying all those carrot shreds together, then threading the long, thin carrot they’ve become through your sinuses till they pop out of your mouth. Let’s say you’re trying on a dress, and you ask his opinion. He understands the closet isn’t his and his alone, he understands he doesn’t always get control of the TV. Well, I don’t know about you, but I’ll take a humble guy with failed marriage over some arrogant guy who’s never settled down any day of the week.There was one little problem, however, and that was that James already had a wife.Now, before we all get our panties in a bunch, before I get labeled the heinous man-stealer, let me toss out a few more details: James’ wife was on the cusp of no longer being his wife. But to quote Olivia Newton John in her star turn in “Grease,” What I mean to say is that over the course of those 10 hours I couldn’t knock the feeling – despite all those red flags – that James and I might still be a good match. Which brings me to now, two years into our relationship. In this day and age, the briefest jaunt through Facebook reveals significant portions of who this woman is: What she looks like, what parts of herself she likes to advertise.To see how much Dan truly relished his role as a father, the joy that was evident when he was with his son made me yearn for the feeling of having in some way contributed to that happiness.
In crazy-making thought-experiments I’d play on myself about a tragic u-pick-one-to-live death scenarios, I’d be the one thrown into the volcano or lowered alive into the plexiglass box of ants.It was a dip in the waters that frantic thirty-something-year-old parents who are also professionals are trying to navigate today. I took a lot of sleeping pills at night and downed a lot of coffee in the morning in a miserable attempt to make myself into a morning person so we could all be on the same schedule--the schedule of a creature still overcome with excitement about waking up at a.m. The lack of sleep and constant sucking of my life-force made me wonder if this was my own bio-kid if I’d feel any different.Because I was not feeling particularly excited about the part-time parenting role that I was starting to play.I was honestly freaked out at the prospect of meeting his child, but reassured myself that the kid was only three, so if things went awry he still has mostly oatmeal behind the eyes and wouldn’t be irreparably scarred.
Thankfully his son was not a shrieker or a goblin, but an adorable and well-behaved little boy. As our relationship progressed, talk of a shared future together organically emerged.
They’d been together for 10 years, married for two. James and I have our ups and our downs in what could be called “still the honeymoon phase.” And many of them, frankly, have to do with how he used to be married to someone else. There’s some immediate satisfaction of knowing, of course. I’m sorry to say it, but this one’s a real lose/lose. The recently divorced man is, with little exception, the recently traumatized man.